September 10th, 2004

there!, Hello

Why Does W.S Anderson Still Get Money To Write?

If that IS his real name. This auteur of shit flicks has yet to prove he has a grasp on the essentials of storytelling, and yet he is given movie after movie. Sure, the movies he is given are all video game inspired, but does this mean the movies have to suck?

Well, as if Mortal Kombat, Resident Evil and Aliens Vs Predator weren't signs enough, now we have Resident Evil: Apocalypse. Even though it is not directed by this myopic visionary, I have no doubt it will suffer from Whatthehell-itis, much as AVP did.

Did I review that piece of offal? Well, here's my review: it was a travesty to a pair of interesting franchise flicks. I'm sure RE:A will be a travesty to an already lackluster franchise. You know, maybe I don't want to get into the movie biz...

Or the tv biz. Last night the household watched Six Feet Under, Season One, Ep 2 (brilliant show, loved it), Joey (sucked, except for the brief interaction with Stifler's Mom -- unfortunate that this actress will forever be dubbed by a single character role, but she personified it beautifully), The new Apprentice (not as brilliant but fun), and Medical Investigation.

Well, brothers and sisters, Medical Investigation has to be one of the worst television programs to grace the small screen. The actors do what they can. The writing is poor, the direction is a riff on CSI and ER, and the music seems to be little more than a collection of stolen soundbytes from Alias, CSI and other gritty, actioner shows. Ahem. What could have made the show better? Well, just about anything. Grace note and highlight: the nameless black guy who loves horror movies.

"Why," asks the PR chick, "do you like horror movies when your job is one big horror movie?

"Because I love my work," replies the witty black dude. Had me rolling, perhaps because it was the actor's delivery. I don't know. I thought it was funny.

Interesting: the black dude is also apparently the most intelligent of the characters, since, when exposed to an unknown pathogenic situation, he wears a full body protection and breathes from a controlled and clean air supply, as opposed to everyone else.

Why did I waste my time WATCHING that show? WHY, WHY, WHY? I can tell myself it is practice on how to avoid writing shit, but that is an asinine excuse. Truth is, folks, I wasted an hour of my life I will never get back.
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Got a e-rejection slip yesterday, for "Cry Havoc!" The excuse was:

"Dear Mr. Robichaud;

"Thank you for sending us "Cry Havoc!" but I'm afraid we will not be
purchasing this story. In my opinion, the narrative arc, underpinning
ideas, and conflict are insufficient to sustain a story of this length. I
wish you luck in placing it elsewhere.

"Sincerely,

"Elizabeth Bear
"Ideomancer"

Hmmm. Ah well, if at first you don't succeed. Where to try next? Part of me wants to pear it down some more, rewrite it to 5000 words or less. Then again, there is such a thing as revising too much.
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Well, yesterday, I finished off a lycanthrope short story, wrote 12 pages of my Bravo Situation: Comedy script (which is already in treatment form). Even if no one else thinks its funny, I'm enjoying the writing process. I also cranked out 1200 words on a follow up article to my "Paranoid Paperwork" piece for Signs and Portents. Today, I hope to refine my lycanthrope piece and possibly get some input from Dan Keohane...
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