January 27th, 2004

there!, Hello

This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time

Good news: edited my short story "Uno Dinero" last night. Should be in final shape, I hope. 6700 words, now. I will give it a read through tonight, and start something new.

Also watched 2 more eps of Bab-5. Fantastic. Missing main characters have returned, and now the Vorlons are approaching a final solution to the Shadow problem -- with horrifying consequences. Powerful programming.

Read through some more of Ketchum's *Peaceable Kingdom*, before bed. I hope to finish that collection by the weekend. I have a yearning to immerse myself in good sf, something with scope and interesting characters. Dunno where to start with this -- I have plenty of books on the shelf, waiting to be cracked open and read. Hopefully, I will pick a good starting place.

Chatted with Kat about how miserable Valentine's Day is. She was set off yesterday by the fact that she feels she is the only single person in her circle of Worcester friends. Interesting. Some days she's up, some down. Well, maybe we'll hit a club one of these days and she can meet someone. If we could encounter an SF convention, she might find someone who shares her interests (like Star Trek). She suggests she needs to get out more, and I think she's right -- it's hard to meet that proper someone when you don't meet new people, isn't it? Friendster sucks, and we spend too much time hiding from the world.

Trista vanished for an hour and a half, last night, to deal with gel work. This morning, she mentioned not wanting to start a new gel since this batch runs on eight hour cycles; she doesn't want to go back tonight after stitch n' bitch to spend another hour and a half working. Then she felt bummed, and wondered if I still respected her. Funny. Like I could stop respecting her for wanting to put off 'til tomorrow what can be done today. She's an adult and can make her own decisions.

This morning before work I pulled out the old Fight Club DVD and watched the video for "This is Your Life". Haven't seen it in a while. Used to watch that thing every day before going to my old customer service job. Used to watch the movie every day when I came home. I connected with the movie, and thus it assumed a role in Part Of Dan's Outward Depression Signs. Trista got worried this morning. I told her "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar." In this case, it is. I'm happy with my career -- I worked on story the night before -- and my day job's not horrid.

I have been thinking about my own death, again. Not quite as fondly as I used to -- once, I yearned for it. The date I picked out, six years ago, to kick off is only about four and a half years off, and now I am uncertain if I will actually kill myself on that day. Life she is strange. And yet, without suicide, how can one defeat the absolute arbitrariness of death, make it meaningful?

Tonight I will work on writing and will get Thursday's game in shape. Time to start drawing threads together. Part of me cannot wait for this game to be done -- I am exhausted with Traditional Fantasy, yet I want the story to have a proper ending. Should only take another four to six months.
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